It was three years ago today that I got the news that I was going to be a mom. It was also the last time I had a proper Spring Break as a teacher.

My decision to leave was not an easy one. In fact, I still feel guilty and miss being a teacher. I’ve always felt at home in a school.I still have dreams of being in my old classroom, posters and student work hung from every nook and cranny. My medieval suit of armor gleaming in the corner, wearing a pink feathered boa.

I also still have the back to school nightmares where students won’t sit down on the first day and listen to me…. and I’m always wearing the WORST granny panties.  And in I’m never prepared for class.

So, why did I leave? Why did I leave my classroom full of history memorabilia and awkward (and always entertaining) 9th graders?

Because I wanted to impact student/teacher learning on a wider scale, help digital immigrants embrace and harness the power of technology. To make learning relevant for all students in our division, not just in my classroom.

I also wanted to add my “two cents” to the trajectory of Virtual Instruction Program for my school division.  I taught online for several years.  I have a MS in Instructional Design and Technology.  I love educational technology. I’m almost half way done with my EDs in K-12 Leadership. I’m making a difference by helping to implement BYOD in our entire division.

But I still feel guilty for “leaving” the classroom.

I struggle on days where I don’t actually enter a school building or see kids at all. Don’t get me wrong, the team I share my office with is great! And at some point in the week, we all act like kids. We work very well together.  I enjoy looking at educational apps, software, and tools to help teachers and students learn better.

But my office, Portable E, doesn’t have the soul like that of a school.

I remember when I first started  working for the IT Department, all I could say over and over is, “It’s so quiet!”  Well, that’s because, it is quiet.

I felt so loud joining my current team. I still am. I always circle around the entire main office and speak to everyone, grabbing chocolate along the way. Harassing my fellow tech nerds, recapping the new Star Wars trailer (ekk), video games, or software updates….

Strange.  I was never the loudest one in my own social studies classroom.

I can’t be the only person in the field of educational technology and/or administration that feels this way?  What advice do you have for me?